So now for my second blog. i guess this one is going to be a bit more personal.
When i was a lot younger it was always perfect family me mum dad and sister and i liked it we went away and got on. Then for reasons i do not really understand to this day my mum and dad split up and went their separate ways. I guess this is not as uncommon these days as it used to be and might not seem ordinary. However unlike most children affected by divorce my dad gave up on me. I ha vent seem him for over 10 + years not even a Christmas card or birthday card. its confusing and hard to explain how i feel about this but I'm going to give it a go.
I think when he first left i was too young to realise what an effect it would have on me. when it first happened he became like the usual weekend dad coming up taking me out then binging me back which was nice as your parents both tried to make you happy. And then it happened. one weekend packed up ready to go out with him. he didn't turn up at the time. i thought maybe he was a bit late. as the hours passed away i realised he wasn't coming and that was it
no more male influence in my life. no father figure to grow up. It hurt so much that day. i really felt down but as a youngster i didn't realise the huge effect it would have as i grew up. I later found out the reason he stopped was so he didn't have to pay child support. it is painful to realise that you could give up on your own flesh and blood because of money.
it is weird now because he doesn't live miles away from him. i mean i could pass him in the street now and would not recognize him. i feel that it has affected me in life. it was difficult being brought up mainly by females although my mum did a great job and i love her muchly. no one to take me to the football and things that you do with your dad first shave etc. i think later in life i realised that it had affected me especially my confidence. i feel extremely bitter about it. and i feel jealous when i hear my Friends are doing things with their dads and generally having fun. i realise now its not my fault that it happened and it is him who is going to be regretting it. but the bitterness in my heart is always going to be there and sometimes i sit back and think as i think it has made me a stronger person. i know if i ever have children i am going to be there as much as i can and never let them down.
so there my depressing blog but somehow it feels good to have wrote it. peace out
Tuesday 23 November 2010
Thursday 28 October 2010
First taste of blogging
Hey people although i doubt this is going to be read by many people.
I never thought i was ever going to be the kind of person to write a blog. At school I was always the person who would prefer numbers rather then writing. Even now i am at university it is the numbers that interest me more. However i felt i needed somewhere to express myself instead of keeping it all up in my head. I have never been the most confident person so i find expressing myself through word of mouth very difficult so i guess writing it down is the next best option.
Me? Well i am 20 years old and at the moment i am doing a degree at Salford University in Finance and Accounting of which i am in my second year. I enjoy being here as it has given me the fresh start which i think i needed after the time i spent at my old school. I am from a very small village in between Chesterfield and Sheffield. The little village where i lived has about 25 houses and i was the only person my age to live in the village.e i have always enjoyed living although it was difficult due to the fact my friends all lived at least a bus journey away which made it difficult to see them as much i may have liked it to have been possible but my mum always did her best to make sure i could get out as much as possible and not end up some kind of recluse.
When i was 13 I became a big fan of BMX riding. i think this was mainly because my older cousin who i spent a lot of time with during my childhood was into it and i wanted to do what he was doing. When i got my bike a fairly big group of us used to ride up everyday to the local bmx dirt track full of jumps. Sometimes in the holidays we would go there at about 10 in the morning and not return until 8, 9 o'clock and have just spent the whole day there just doing jumps making new jumps to try and generally having a good time. We used to do trains of jumps with sometimes 7 or 8 of us doing it one after another whilst one of us laid in the jump and filmed each person jump over them. This summer was one of the best times of my life. We even purchased a BBQ and made a little shelter area where we would chill and just sit and talk and cook burgers and generally have a good time. Some days we would even have 20-30 people there and it was all lots of fun. However as with almost any kind of activities there were always dangers. Mostly people would have little falls and maybe graze a knee have a sit down for a few minutes get back on and just do it again. Me however had one of the worst falls and injuries there and too this day i still have no recollection of what happened which still scares me a little. I must have lost about an hours memory which has never returned. First thing i remember of it was being in my aunty's kitchen in a hell lot of pain and then being in her car as she drove me to the local hospital. I had no idea how bad my face was just that it hurt. I realised it must have been a pretty bad accident when they took me straight through to see a nurse. My mum arrived soon after and i finally got a mirror to see my face. It was horrible. I looked like the terminator when his face is half covered in scab whilst my other half was normal. My lips were massive which led to me not being able to eat solid foods for about a week as i struggled to be able to open my mouth. Luckily over time my face managed to recover and now all i have left are a 2 little scars on my face which are hardly noticeable. It petrified me to ever get on that bike again. i still have 2 big scars from that accident one down my neck which is clearly visible if i show off a bit of my neck and the other in my mouth from a cut which the hospital horrifically failed to find and luckily my dentist did. She still remembers that day and every time i now go in she always tells me about how it was the worse thing she had ever seen. This day i guess had a big knock on me losing confidence i think although when i think about it i guess i am lucky as i fully recovered from my injuries which could have been much worse.
Well this was my first blog. Any feedback would be great but i don't even think this will be read.Hopefully I will be able to write a new one soon.
I never thought i was ever going to be the kind of person to write a blog. At school I was always the person who would prefer numbers rather then writing. Even now i am at university it is the numbers that interest me more. However i felt i needed somewhere to express myself instead of keeping it all up in my head. I have never been the most confident person so i find expressing myself through word of mouth very difficult so i guess writing it down is the next best option.
Me? Well i am 20 years old and at the moment i am doing a degree at Salford University in Finance and Accounting of which i am in my second year. I enjoy being here as it has given me the fresh start which i think i needed after the time i spent at my old school. I am from a very small village in between Chesterfield and Sheffield. The little village where i lived has about 25 houses and i was the only person my age to live in the village.e i have always enjoyed living although it was difficult due to the fact my friends all lived at least a bus journey away which made it difficult to see them as much i may have liked it to have been possible but my mum always did her best to make sure i could get out as much as possible and not end up some kind of recluse.
When i was 13 I became a big fan of BMX riding. i think this was mainly because my older cousin who i spent a lot of time with during my childhood was into it and i wanted to do what he was doing. When i got my bike a fairly big group of us used to ride up everyday to the local bmx dirt track full of jumps. Sometimes in the holidays we would go there at about 10 in the morning and not return until 8, 9 o'clock and have just spent the whole day there just doing jumps making new jumps to try and generally having a good time. We used to do trains of jumps with sometimes 7 or 8 of us doing it one after another whilst one of us laid in the jump and filmed each person jump over them. This summer was one of the best times of my life. We even purchased a BBQ and made a little shelter area where we would chill and just sit and talk and cook burgers and generally have a good time. Some days we would even have 20-30 people there and it was all lots of fun. However as with almost any kind of activities there were always dangers. Mostly people would have little falls and maybe graze a knee have a sit down for a few minutes get back on and just do it again. Me however had one of the worst falls and injuries there and too this day i still have no recollection of what happened which still scares me a little. I must have lost about an hours memory which has never returned. First thing i remember of it was being in my aunty's kitchen in a hell lot of pain and then being in her car as she drove me to the local hospital. I had no idea how bad my face was just that it hurt. I realised it must have been a pretty bad accident when they took me straight through to see a nurse. My mum arrived soon after and i finally got a mirror to see my face. It was horrible. I looked like the terminator when his face is half covered in scab whilst my other half was normal. My lips were massive which led to me not being able to eat solid foods for about a week as i struggled to be able to open my mouth. Luckily over time my face managed to recover and now all i have left are a 2 little scars on my face which are hardly noticeable. It petrified me to ever get on that bike again. i still have 2 big scars from that accident one down my neck which is clearly visible if i show off a bit of my neck and the other in my mouth from a cut which the hospital horrifically failed to find and luckily my dentist did. She still remembers that day and every time i now go in she always tells me about how it was the worse thing she had ever seen. This day i guess had a big knock on me losing confidence i think although when i think about it i guess i am lucky as i fully recovered from my injuries which could have been much worse.
Well this was my first blog. Any feedback would be great but i don't even think this will be read.Hopefully I will be able to write a new one soon.
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